The not-so-great Nordic family reaction
by randomgirl40
Summary: What happens when you combine Me, two of my best friends, chocolate, and SLEEPOVARS! Emil informs the other Nordics that he is gay... Oops Co-Written with DigimonIsBetterThanPokemon151.


It was supposed to be a normal dinner. Just. A. Freaking. Normal. Dinner. It was supposed to be Lukas' night to shine, his farewell party for his new job. He'd spent ages. Freaking. Ages. Getting those qualifications. Yet Emil had to frigging steal the lime light. It was just like him, to steal the attention from his fabulously bad ass brother. With just three words, just three small words, and the attention had be shifted.

"Lukas, I'm gay."

The Norwegian blond spat his Ice tea across the table, probably splashing his hot danish crush. "WHAT?!" He screeched in a high pitched, totally manly - NOT gay - voice.

"Yeah. Ya heard me right. And I proposed to my boyfriend this time yesterday. There where frigging bad ass fireworks and everything. I even got a gospel choir, a cupid, the whole fucking thing!" Emil proclaimed proudly. "Oh. Yeah. I accidently used your credit card. Sorry. I knew you where saving up to buy Matthias some mushy kick ass present for valentines."

Now Matthias spat out his beer. "What...?" Lukas blushed like the MANLY bad ass he was.

"Don't listen to him Matthias. H-He's drunk. That's why he's using terms like 'frigging' and 'bad ass.' And why he's admitting to using my credit card. He's probably on drugs too. Don't believe a word he says." Lukas said, turning to glare MANLY-LIKE - and totally not like a bitch - at his brother. "We should lock him in his room. Don't feed him. Take his video games."

"No not my bad ass video games! I still need to complete Rayman origins!" Emil cried.

Berwald calmly sipped his tea. "If he's still playing Rayman he deserves to get them confiscated."

"Yeah. He sould totally be playing the Rise Of The Guardians video game!" Tino exclaimed. All turned to stare at the Finn. "What? That was a frigging bad ass movie!"

"I think he's high too." Lukas said.

Matthias' face held an expression of determination. "All in favour of banning American TV shows say I!"

At that moment, there was a loud bang, and then Peter - Berwald and Tino's adopted kid thing - ran down the stairs. "No Mama! Don't let them take my good luck charlie! And Jessie! And Liv and Maddie!"

"Jesus christ Tino. What are you letting this kid watch?!" Emil exclaimed. "Atleast make him watch like Kickin' It or Phineas and Ferb or even frigging Crash and Burnstein!"

"Emil. Peter. Upstairs. Now. We need... The Talk." Lukas said, dragging the duo up the bad ass pink - and totally NOT gay - stairs. "The talk about your choice of TV."

As soon as they cleared the landing, Matthias sighed in relief. "Few! I thought they where going to talk about 'It.' "

"What do you take us for? Bad parents? We can't tell him that yet! Oh God..." Tino had a frigging epiphany then. "We're both gay... How do we explain the staightness?!"

"Well I've had hundreds of one night sta-"

"Shut up Matthias you're NOT helping!" Tino shouted.

Berwald face palmed his awesome Swedish house mafia face. "It's the same every night here..."

Meanwhile, up de stairs.

"What do ya mean I can't watch Dora the Explorer and Teletubbies?! This is against my human rights!" Peter cried, thumping Lukas' chest. "No this is so unfair you're so mean to me Uncle Lukas!"

"Hey Lukas. He's totally hitting on you! Bet Matthias is well jammy!" Emil laughed.

"STFU EMIL. OR GTFO." Lukas said, using the actual letters. Not what the letters represent. Because Peter was there. Not because he's gay or anything. Because he's totally NOT. 100 percent NOT gay or interested in Matthias or anything. And he totally didn't get a hard on everytime he saw the guy shirtless.

"Ok." Emil stood up and walked out the room and onto the stairs. "HEY MATTHIAS! PETER IS TOTALLY HITTING O-" Emil found his mouth covered by Lukas' well manicured but very manly - and not gay - hand.

"Shut up or I fucking kill you." Lukas growled.

"You don't have the balls." Emil replied smuggly. "Because you're totally Uke."

"If I am, so are you!"

Emil laughed. "No way! Leon totally let's me top like the bad ass he is. Like... Once every... 6 months..."

"How long have you guys been dating?" Lukas asked.

"Uh... 3 years?"

"Behind. My. Back?!"

"Well we all know that you've had a crush on Matthias since you first met. So how about we drop this about me being gay and Matthias won't find out about you." Emil said, smugness returning.

"I hate you so much." The Norwegian growled.

"I love you too big brother. :)"

Peter stared at his uncles, confused-like. "What does 'Uke' mean?"

"Uhh... You don't need to know. Let's just say that... Tino is very ukeish." Emil explained cautiously.

"Oh. Kay. What does 'fucking' mean?"

"Oh just something that Lukas totally wants Matthias to do to him." Emil snickered.

After that, Peter ran down the stairs, straight to Matthias. "Hey Uncle Matthias, what does it mean when Lukas says he wants you to fucking him?"

Bad ass beverages went flying for the third time that night. "WHAT?!" A cry of outrage sounded across the kick ass table.

Tino immediately rose from his frigging Ikea chair, storming up the bad ass stairs screaming, "Lukas! I'm going to tan your Norweigan hide into next TUESDAY! NEXT TUESDAY I HEAR YOU!"

And then Matthias went into pleasant dreams about Lukas' hide. And then he murmured, "That is TOTALLY something I wouldn't mind fucking..."

Emil floundered down the stairs like a frigging Bosstria. He looked around at the chaos he had caused and smirked like a bitch. "Looks like my work is done." He said, flipping his hair and frigging flying out the window with bad ass pink - TOTALLY NOT GAY - fairy wings.

And that was when Lukas woke up.

He sat up in his bed. "Huh... What the fuck?" He asked his brain. "Am I high? I must be. I gotta stop eating cheese before bed." He looked to his left. "WHAT THE FUCK MATTHIAS?!"

Matthias groaned. "Norgie... This is my room."

"... AND WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?!"


End file.
